Is there a Dark Side of love (2020)

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Dark Side to love candle with hearts
Does the dark side of love exist?

Could this be true, a dark side of love? Yes, and most times, we do not consider them when embarking on this journey called love.

Disney has done a great (or poor depending on perspective) job at depicting love as this thing that happens so often. In their fairy tales, you watch women meet their prince charming or finding a happily ever after.

But this is not how it goes in the “real” world. So if you were expecting something akin to that from this article, you should leave now.

When we are in relationships and love, we experience a plethora of emotions, some of which include:

  • Attraction
  • Lust
  • Passion
  • Emotional Instability
  • Empathy and more

For the most part, these emotions are feelings that arise when looking at the better half of the love experience. But hold on one second—everything in life is seen out of a positive or negative lens. So, it may be safe to say there is a dark side of love?

We have experienced the dark side of love

Love DOES have a dark side, and many of us know it VERY well.

We may not want to admit it, but our first negative experience with love (outside of our family), often shapes how we see love. The trust issues, pains, and hesitations to opening up to another being most times become a task because of that one bad experience.

Accepting the negative parts of love can be traumatic. But, being aware of its existence can help educate and hopefully make you more conscious the next time you start “falling.”

So I want to dig into four aspects that are a part of the darker side of love.

1. Love is WORK

This may come as a shock to those who look at love as a purely blissful and free-flowing force, but this is not the case. Many people believe, “I’m gonna fall in love and live this beautiful life, have plenty of kids running around,” and that’s it.

If we are honest, this doesn’t usually pan out the way we’ve envisioned it. First off, we are all flawed creatures that have our unique ways of looking at things. No matter how much you know, feel, understand, etc., you still have to put in work.

Some people think in either one or two ways when it comes to love:

  •  If I have to do this much to get you to stay with me, then it will not work
  •  If we have to do this much to make it work, then it’s not love, or not meant to be

Both of these mentalities are toxic and do not integrate the reality that no matter how connected, in-love, or enamored you are with someone. Eventually, you have to so dome heavy lifting.

Be it emotional, physical, or mental; there comes the point when you have to do more than be in love. Think about it, when we are in love with someone, it still requires sacrifice, frustration, compromise, giving in, having bad days, being upset, etc.

All these things that we do not consciously consider as we deal with the dark side of love.

2. Love Is Blind

“…and, it will take over your mind.” If love were a person, it would be one that is blind. Why? Well, sometimes we are giving our best to someone who cannot receive it.

We have all been through similar, yet, different experiences and our perspectives on love are no exception. Why is that? For starters, our upbringing, and our environmental influences have a significant impact on how we view, receive, and give love.

Some people only know love through giving gifts, others just being affectionate, others love by helping and being of service. However, it is difficult to love someone who does not accept love the way you know how to give it.

This alone can be a heart breaker and can add to that already overflowing pot of the dark side of love. Another issue that surfaces are growing apart––something that comes from people that have been together for many years.

We are continually changing, it is unreasonable to imagine a person being the same from the start of the relationship, in the middle, and the end.

We are not actively paying attention to the different nuances of our partner, and over time, that can lead to the feeling of no longer recognizing your partner.

3. Love is both an unstoppable force and an immovable object

You cannot force it to happen, and no, you cannot stop it from happening once it started. When you are falling in love, you fall, you are afraid, you wonder if the other person will be there to catch you while in this vulnerable state.

You cannot stop this from happening, as the saying goes, “you cannot help who you love,” you really can’t.

Once the love bug bites you, it is nearly impossible to shake it off. Make sure you are dealing with love and not shared trauma because it will inevitably manifest in your relationship.

Making sure the person loves you and is not just attached to being with you is a part of understanding love. You cannot force someone to love you, that is a part of the dark side of love.

Unless you are part of the same brotherhood with Harry Potter, no lucky charms or spells will work either (at least not in the way you would want).

Love does not budge, and no matter how strong the feelings you have for the next person, you cannot make them love you.

It’s either they do or they do not. I remember getting a fortune cookie a few years back, and it read: “When provoked, love sinks in its heels.”

4. Real love is unconditional

I know we’ve all heard this so many times from our guardians to gurus and self-help wizards, but do we understand what it means to be unconditional? Then again, how many humans (parents included) love unconditionally?

I know, I know you going to say, your granny loves everyone the same, and it may be accurate, but most times, we have conditions on how people like us or the love we give them. This is more an issue with programming and being mindful than anything else.

When people behave in manners that we do not like, we may be a bit apprehensive in giving love or, at the very least, being endearing toward them.

We still want what we want, and even in sharing the highest form of emotion with another person, we still have selfish ways. The highest expression of love is the unconditional kind.

This is VERY challenging to attain, this would mean letting go of biases, desires, wants, and expectations. This, too, hurts to accept that our love may be flawed because our teachers were flawed, their teachers, and so on.


The dark side of love is not a shock to anyone that has ever been in love. Married couples always talk about the amount of work that goes into maintaining their relationship. It is no secret, yet it is an overlooked aspect of love and relationships in general.

Love is not perfect, but with patience, understanding, and practice, we can begin to incorporate the darker sides of love in our knowledge.

We can open up without fear, we can love without worry, and be unconditional to those that can receive it, and hopefully give us the same thing in return.

Do you believe there is a dark side of love? Let us know in the comment box below. And if you found any value in this post please share it, social links are at the sidebar on the top right. Thank you!

This Post Has 6 Comments

  1. Terry

    First off, thank you for being open and honest about what true love takes. People do not realize that love is not something that just happens and you will be happy forever. In reality, love is work and it has many highs and lows throughout its journey. 

    However, if you find that perfect person you just can’t help but be with forever then I say go for it! If you meet that person and they are everything you ever wanted then the highs and lows will be nothing in comparison to spending the rest of your life together.

    I love the fact that you have written out exactly what people should expect when it comes to falling in love so that they will be better equipped when the time comes for the lows.

  2. CW

    If you are in a happy relationship with the one you love deep down and staying positive, then the dark side of love really isn’t that dark. I have known my wife for ten years and been married for 8 years. If you change with your significant other then you harmonize your relationship. we all change in life and could be hard to deal with for many but if you stay positive then positive things will happen.

  3. Nuttanee

    I think that is why we love the “LOVE” because there is a dark side to it in my opinion. We just cannot be all vanilla right? We need excitement and conflict to make the love stronger. You are absolutely right, real love is unconditional and we do things for love that can surprise us. Love is dangerous but we cannot live without love. Great topic!

  4. Antonio


    Love is such a wonderful thing, it can bring tremendous  joy but it can bring  tremendous  pain. No other emotion can do this, as it cause you to do the most stupidest thing, even murder. We need to keep love on an even keel  to release that it will bring joy and it can bring hurt. Love can be constructive giving us hope where no hope exist and companionship but it can bring utter despair.

    Love is such a beautiful  thing that you have highlighted  well in your article. Like the ancient Greeks there  are many forms of love from brotherly look, family love and erotic love. We have all experienced these different types of love and we need to distinguish  between them. It is better to have loved and lost than not to love at all.

    Thank you for this article. 


  5. Audrey


    Thanks for allowing me to read your post on Love’N’Drugs, and I agree that love does come with attraction, lust, passion, emotional instability, empathy and much more. You really have laid the fairy tail. I agree love outside of family and friends promotes trust issues, pains, and hesitations to opening up to another being most times become a task because of that one bad experience. This is a vulnerable position to be in. I appreciate your information shared it really has help me to understand deeper things about love.

    Best Regards


  6. Tashibaarzu

    Thank you so much, Anna, for sharing this beautiful article with us. Your post was very real about the shoot.

    Like I am with you, there is a dark side to love that we simply do not want to obey. If we love someone like a blind man, we are afraid of losing him. If the other person does not love me then I want to get forced love. But forget that unconditional love is real love. The mother puts her baby in the forefront of unconditional love. I think I should love someone if I give up my conditions, desires, desires, and expectations. Because I believe that the value of unconditional love, even if not everyone. Someone must give.

    Lastly, I would like to say that if people read this post, they will get interested. Your post was very different.

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