The 3 Most Important Relationships in your Life | 2020

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3 Most Important Relationships
The 3 most important relationships in your life

The 3 most important relationships in your life is a simple anchor story for which all of our life is shaped. If you’d like to hear our introductory podcast on this topic check it out here (PodCast

When we grow up (if we ever do), there is a moment when you reflect back to your childhood, adolescence, and even young-adulthood (for our ‘seasoned’ readers).

Why do we do need a moment’s pause to reflect on our lives and what we’ve been through? Sometimes we need to become aware of subtle changes or noticing patterns that are unfolding before our eyes.

When we are dating, there is a subtle influence that guides us to choose specific partners to be in a relationship with. Things in our lives happen at such an alarming rate that we do not usually notice them.

Once realizing how far we have moved from our center, we have to get back to the necessary foundations of ourselves or create new foundations. It is through this process that we gain a better understanding of events that transpire in our lives.

Now before we get deep into this article, I want to help you understand my purpose in writing. I have a great understanding of trauma, why relationships fail, and other situations surrounding personal development.

It is through my substantial experience and knowledge that these three relationships set the tone for nearly everything we do.

Although we do have free will and the ability to exercise our wants and needs, these personal desires are often already predetermined before we have our first kiss. 

For the majority of people who have experienced any form of abuse or trauma in any one of the three developmental stages:

  • Childhood (roughly 0 – 10 years old)
  • Adolescent (11-20)
  • Young Adulthood (21-30)

Can be expected to have some residual effects on their life. Why am I mentioning this? Again, like an anchored article, it is vital for me to provide clarity and understanding, which I found from various experiences.

From people I have coached to friends and family, my explanation holds true. If you have a trauma in childhood, it can wreak havoc and permeate through the other areas of your life.

As we mature, our abilities to change become more challenging. This is partially due to the aging of our cells and our minds becoming more distracted. This may not be true for everyone, but for the vast majority, it is. Now that we are on the same page allow me to tie everything in.

Old Dog New Tricks

If you cannot teach an old dog new tricks, that means as we get older, we tend to be less flexible. So, for people in the first two categories of childhood and adolescents, you have some hope yet.

As for the mature audience, you will have to work much more to change the programmings you’ve accumulated over the years. Now let’s get to the fun stuff.

The 3 Most Important Relationships in Your Life

The first Important Relationship in your Life – Your Parents

The first most important relationship you will have is the relationship with your parents (now for life’s sake, let’s include all caretakers, grandparents, foster and step-parents, and anyone else who had a hand in your childhood development). This relationship is crucial because it is the first outward relationship you have. 

This is where you learn your boundaries, routines, how to display love, autonomy, etc. If there is any perversion or abuse during this time, it can set a child up for a lifetime of problems.

As creatures of habit, our programs are very vital to attracting what we want. So if you were programmed in a place of love, care, and tenderness, you tend to display the same behaviors as you mature.

Conversely, when your caretakers are not well versed in nurturing or supportive behavior, this can produce a multitude of residual traumas, some of which include:

  • Developmental Issues 
  • Abandonment Issues
  • Poor Boundaries
  • Low Self-Esteem
  • Victim or Perpetrator
  • Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

By a parent or caregiver neglecting or being ill-equipped for the job, this results in negative programming. This programming is written deep into the psyche and mind of the child.

This is why the first 10 years of development are by far the most important. These years set the tone for the rest of your life, and it is crucial that adults, parents, and adolescents understanding this. 

The second most important relationship in your life – Yourself

Why was the relationship with yourself not first? If you must know, you do not have a conscious relationship with yourself until your mid-adolescence. Although you develop the ability in childhood, you do not consciously begin to nurture it until adolescence.

The relationship with yourself is the second most important relationship in your life because it places responsibility on you. We have to now become the captain of our ships.

This relationship becomes very important because it shapes what you look for in dating and relationships. All the unresolved traumas, issues, and conflicts become a guide to choosing a mate.

Let’s imagine you were neglected as a child in a severe way; you will not have an accurate depiction of what love looks like because you’ve never really had it. The way you love yourself and the type of people you attract depends heavily on your programming, both taught and self-learned.

Once you reach young adulthood, you will start to notice patterns. Do you attract people that play on your insecurities? Are you used to being in abusive relationships?

Some of these situations stem from a lack of self-love and poor experiences in your childhood. At any time in your life, you CAN make a stand to say you deserve more than what you’ve been given. And, you have to be the one to do it for yourself first.

Saying no to things you used to accept or changing destructive habits and self-talk can be challenging, but the reward of emotional and mental freedom supersedes them. The painful things that have happened are no longer allowed in your future.  

The third most important relationship in your life – God/Nature/The Creator/Whatever you Believe

Most people would fight to say this is the most important relationship you can have. While this is true, it doesn’t manifest consciously until after the other two.

Your relationship with God matters more than you will ever know. (And, to any of my readers who are atheists, please consider this for a second. There are inherit things outside of our control in life.

For the most part, the weather, the stars, the sun, etc. Who controls that? Why do life “coincidences” always align so perfectly or horribly? Something greater has to be at work.

Things we do not understand cannot be broken down, and that also ties into the concept of God––having faith and hope, etc., but I’ll stop there for now.)

The relationship with a higher power or having some sort of spirituality does heave added benefits that could help you during those dark times.

The Creator of the skies and stars symbolically is the invisible hand that rocks the cradle. Its existence has been documented throughout history and continues to unfold as we grow in understanding of ourselves. But why is this relationship important?

The importance of this relationship comes with being able to feel like when you are down and out and have no options, a way will be provided.

Some people do not believe in this, enough, but for those who have experienced any bit of turmoil in life, and being able to get out of it unscathed, appreciate this connection wholeheartedly.

The reasoning behind my structuring of the three most important relationships was based on a fall-back system that is present but not actively thought of.

The birth of a child starts the cycle, learning your parents, learning who you are, and then learning about something more significant than your self. The information graphic breaks it down. 

Conclusion

In the end, these three relationships significantly affect our ability to date, to be good parents, to be great spouses and lovers, etc. Normally we are not aware of the prevalence these three important relationships have in our lives.

From our successes failures down to our quirks and idiosyncrasies, we are affected by the way our parents raised us, the way we treat ourselves, and the faith we have in something greater.

The responsibility rests heavily on our shoulders in our latter stages of life to be able to understand why we are the way we are. 

Do you believe these are the three most important relationships in your life? Let us know in the comment box below. And if you found any value in this post please share it, social links are at the sidebar on the top right. Thank you!

This Post Has 12 Comments

  1. Jagi

    I like that you state that the god/universe/creator relationship takes place only after the other two are in order. But some children can never forgive their parents for what was done to them. 

    How would they then develop the third relationship? I remember a friend of mine who had issues of abandonment from his parents; he was never able to reconcile himself with the thought that parents did not want him to be a part of their life. 

    Although his relationship with himself improved, to this day, he still has a problem believing in a higher power because of what happened to him. 

    1. Kay Cee

      Jagi,

      Great question. Development in the last relationship is the most crucial, especially in the situation with your friend. The abandonment issues can stem from a variety of things, but it is ultimately up to the person to let them go, and/or try to forget about them. I have always been a supporter of dealing with trauma, but in all actuality, the relationship with a Higher Power (faith, hope, gratitude) all these things we take for granted, can help alleviate our pains and suffering. Think about if he forgot all the negative things and focused on being grateful even for the “negative” experiences that have made him who he is today. If he excepts the grand design of things that unseen, he could possibly achieve this relationship. We just have to trust the process. Thanks for the reply!

      – Kay 

  2. jaison123

    Thank you so much for presenting us with such a beautiful article. The main content of this article is about the three most important things in your life.

    As we grow up in life, there are so many important aspects that our lives are spent torturing them. Here we refer to you step by step on how to grow up. The first step of the article is to first make our parents grow up. The second step is what we do with our work ability. The third step is the result of our work.

    Through this beautiful article you have been able to explain to us how human beings go from adolescence to adolescence to old age and the consequences of their actions.

    1. Kay Cee

      Thanks for your comment! Yes, each stage of life we have to mature in. Maturity in childhood + adolescence paves the way for a healthy adulthood. When these cycles are not properly nourished or developed, things add up as an adult. Thanks for reading.

      – Kay

  3. Antonio

    Hi Kay

    You have raised the 3 most important relationships that you have in your lifetime. Your parents really do shape they way you view life, they nurture  you, understand you and encourage you but are the same time they can discourage you and harm you both emotionally and  your mentally wellbeing.  This is where teachers can come into play, as they often see the spark that others can miss. 

    The problem  with yourself is that you are the harshest  critic, you constantly find fault with yourself. This is right as you cannot improve until you see fault in what you do and what you fail to do. It also gives to you the drive to succeed. God gives you the gift to do this and it is important you have a relationship  with him.

    A great article for those  who are seeking.

    Thanks

    Antonio 

    1. Kay Cee

      Hey Antonio,

      Thanks for the comment. You are indeed your worst critic and the way our parents have loved us, or not, can be the main determining factor growing up. When we allow more humanity (making mistakes, being uncertain, etc.) we can become better versions of ourselves.

      – Kay

  4. Surina Dragonflyer

    I really appreciate what you are focused on.  Transformation is very difficult without help.  I have been on a ten year path to discover what I have been doing wrong most of my life.  If it were not for other people on this path before me, I would not be where I am today.

    I agree with the three most important relationships.  My focus on my parents was so negative.  I finally came to a place where I was able to forgive and move on.  They just did the best that they knew how at the level of thinking that they were at.  I realized that they were trying to teach me how to be a good person, it was my perspective though, that criticized the way they went about it.  What they were teaching me and what I learned was based on my own understanding at the level of thinking that I was at.

    As far as the relationship with myself, and my higher power, I really had to work on clearing away the wreckage of my past. My past SELF that is.  Letting go, or dying, to my past self, helped so much in this process.  I was able to LOVE a new me and forgive the old me.  I must admit, if I had not rekindled a relationship with my Higher Power, I would not have had the strength or the knowledge to face the other two. 

    I like the set up of your site.  Easy access to all pertinent information.  

    Keep spreading the message of Hope and Love

    Love, Light and Blessings

    1. Kay Cee

      Surina,

      Thanks so much for your testimony. I, too, had a very “interesting” upbringing and blamed my parents for a lot of things. I also realized that the Creator would never put more on you than you can handle, and most things in life, if not all, are by design. I appreciate you saying your parents “did the best they could with what they knew.” This is a tough thing to accept at times because we expect perfection out of them just the same. But forgiveness heals a lot of those wounds (even when the triggers re-emerge). Thanks again, and keep growing in yourself, your Creator, and others!

      – Kay

  5. Fiona

    Thank you for sharing this informative and educational article about The 3 Most Important Relationships in your Life  2020. Your article is an eye opener to everyone who will read it the information provided here is very important and true. Most relationships fail due to lack of understanding what is important in our lives and relationships. I like the way you have listed the 3 important things our parents are the reason we are on this earth they take priority. But with me l would like to put God the creator first then me and my parents second. I have learned so much while reading your article l have bookmarked it so l can go back again. I will share it with my family and colleagues. Great post and helpful information.

    Wishing you all the success! 

    1. Kay Cee

      Fiona, thanks for your comment. I do understand that the creator is or a least “should be” listed first. The main reason I set the order the way I did, was based on when the relationships come into our conscious mind. As kids, we know God, but it is not until we get older (typically) that we actually form a relationship and attempt to nurture it. Thanks again and success to you as well!

      – Kay

  6. rjkennedy

    When I first ran across this and saw ‘relationships’ in your title, I said, “This is right up my alley.” (I also write about ‘relationships,’ but mine is leaning more towards men & women relationships). As I read further, your’s is more toward life relationships. It made me think about my own life growing up. I started thinking about my own childhood, and my relationship with my parents. “Was I a problem child?” (Maybe).

    But with another sibling, I realized I wasn’t the only problem. These are steps we all could reflect on. From how we are raised to ourselves as people. And of course, The Good Lord Who controls it all and guide us through life.

    1. Kay Cee

      Thanks, RJ

      I primarily focus on the self-help, dating and relationship aspects, but it’s great to have a fellow niche player :). We all have some problem child in us, but it is always good to reflect on where we are, based on where we’ve come. Thanks for the comment!

      – Kay

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