The 3 most important relationships in your life is a simple anchor story for which all of our life is shaped. If you’d like to hear our introductory podcast on this topic check it out here (PodCast)
When we grow up (if we ever do), there is a moment when you reflect back to your childhood, adolescence, and even young-adulthood (for our ‘seasoned’ readers).
Why do we do need a moment’s pause to reflect on our lives and what we’ve been through? Sometimes we need to become aware of subtle changes or noticing patterns that are unfolding before our eyes.
When we are dating, there is a subtle influence that guides us to choose specific partners to be in a relationship with. Things in our lives happen at such an alarming rate that we do not usually notice them.
Once realizing how far we have moved from our center, we have to get back to the necessary foundations of ourselves or create new foundations. It is through this process that we gain a better understanding of events that transpire in our lives.
Now before we get deep into this article, I want to help you understand my purpose in writing. I have a great understanding of trauma, why relationships fail, and other situations surrounding personal development.
It is through my substantial experience and knowledge that these three relationships set the tone for nearly everything we do.
Although we do have free will and the ability to exercise our wants and needs, these personal desires are often already predetermined before we have our first kiss.
For the majority of people who have experienced any form of abuse or trauma in any one of the three developmental stages:
- Childhood (roughly 0 – 10 years old)
- Adolescent (11-20)
- Young Adulthood (21-30)
Can be expected to have some residual effects on their life. Why am I mentioning this? Again, like an anchored article, it is vital for me to provide clarity and understanding, which I found from various experiences.
From people I have coached to friends and family, my explanation holds true. If you have a trauma in childhood, it can wreak havoc and permeate through the other areas of your life.
As we mature, our abilities to change become more challenging. This is partially due to the aging of our cells and our minds becoming more distracted. This may not be true for everyone, but for the vast majority, it is. Now that we are on the same page allow me to tie everything in.
If you cannot teach an old dog new tricks, that means as we get older, we tend to be less flexible. So, for people in the first two categories of childhood and adolescents, you have some hope yet.
As for the mature audience, you will have to work much more to change the programmings you’ve accumulated over the years. Now let’s get to the fun stuff.
The 3 Most Important Relationships in Your Life
The first Important Relationship in your Life – Your Parents
The first most important relationship you will have is the relationship with your parents (now for life’s sake, let’s include all caretakers, grandparents, foster and step-parents, and anyone else who had a hand in your childhood development). This relationship is crucial because it is the first outward relationship you have.
This is where you learn your boundaries, routines, how to display love, autonomy, etc. If there is any perversion or abuse during this time, it can set a child up for a lifetime of problems.
As creatures of habit, our programs are very vital to attracting what we want. So if you were programmed in a place of love, care, and tenderness, you tend to display the same behaviors as you mature.
Conversely, when your caretakers are not well versed in nurturing or supportive behavior, this can produce a multitude of residual traumas, some of which include:
- Developmental Issues
- Abandonment Issues
- Poor Boundaries
- Low Self-Esteem
- Victim or Perpetrator
- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
By a parent or caregiver neglecting or being ill-equipped for the job, this results in negative programming. This programming is written deep into the psyche and mind of the child.
This is why the first 10 years of development are by far the most important. These years set the tone for the rest of your life, and it is crucial that adults, parents, and adolescents understanding this.
The second most important relationship in your life – Yourself
Why was the relationship with yourself not first? If you must know, you do not have a conscious relationship with yourself until your mid-adolescence. Although you develop the ability in childhood, you do not consciously begin to nurture it until adolescence.
The relationship with yourself is the second most important relationship in your life because it places responsibility on you. We have to now become the captain of our ships.
This relationship becomes very important because it shapes what you look for in dating and relationships. All the unresolved traumas, issues, and conflicts become a guide to choosing a mate.
Let’s imagine you were neglected as a child in a severe way; you will not have an accurate depiction of what love looks like because you’ve never really had it. The way you love yourself and the type of people you attract depends heavily on your programming, both taught and self-learned.
Once you reach young adulthood, you will start to notice patterns. Do you attract people that play on your insecurities? Are you used to being in abusive relationships?
Some of these situations stem from a lack of self-love and poor experiences in your childhood. At any time in your life, you CAN make a stand to say you deserve more than what you’ve been given. And, you have to be the one to do it for yourself first.
Saying no to things you used to accept or changing destructive habits and self-talk can be challenging, but the reward of emotional and mental freedom supersedes them. The painful things that have happened are no longer allowed in your future.
The third most important relationship in your life – God/Nature/The Creator/Whatever you Believe
Most people would fight to say this is the most important relationship you can have. While this is true, it doesn’t manifest consciously until after the other two.
Your relationship with God matters more than you will ever know. (And, to any of my readers who are atheists, please consider this for a second. There are inherit things outside of our control in life.
For the most part, the weather, the stars, the sun, etc. Who controls that? Why do life “coincidences” always align so perfectly or horribly? Something greater has to be at work.
Things we do not understand cannot be broken down, and that also ties into the concept of God––having faith and hope, etc., but I’ll stop there for now.)
The relationship with a higher power or having some sort of spirituality does heave added benefits that could help you during those dark times.
The Creator of the skies and stars symbolically is the invisible hand that rocks the cradle. Its existence has been documented throughout history and continues to unfold as we grow in understanding of ourselves. But why is this relationship important?
The importance of this relationship comes with being able to feel like when you are down and out and have no options, a way will be provided.
Some people do not believe in this, enough, but for those who have experienced any bit of turmoil in life, and being able to get out of it unscathed, appreciate this connection wholeheartedly.
The reasoning behind my structuring of the three most important relationships was based on a fall-back system that is present but not actively thought of.
The birth of a child starts the cycle, learning your parents, learning who you are, and then learning about something more significant than your self. The information graphic breaks it down.
In the end, these three relationships significantly affect our ability to date, to be good parents, to be great spouses and lovers, etc. Normally we are not aware of the prevalence these three important relationships have in our lives.
From our successes failures down to our quirks and idiosyncrasies, we are affected by the way our parents raised us, the way we treat ourselves, and the faith we have in something greater.
The responsibility rests heavily on our shoulders in our latter stages of life to be able to understand why we are the way we are.
Do you believe these are the three most important relationships in your life? Let us know in the comment box below. And if you found any value in this post please share it, social links are at the sidebar on the top right. Thank you!