3 Tips on How To Heal From a Bad BreakUp (2020)

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3 Tips on how to heal from a breakup, black and white

Have you ever just been so fed up with a situation you wish to leave and get over it? At some point, we all have felt this way.

Dating in the digital age does not make things easy, not even a breakup. Let’s take a look at 3 tips on how to heal from a breakup

After The breakup

The breakup can be a very tumultuous process. In other words, it hurts very badly, and you want to find ways to heal from a breakup as fast as you can.

Naturally, we all want to know how to be strong after a breakup, but this process takes time. Every situation is different but, if you pay attention, you may notice a pattern of your breakups.

Let’s say the situation you are in, is a unique one, and you still need advice on how to move on after the breakup. There are two things to remember at this point. First, breaking up is SUPPOSED to hurt.

When you love someone or like them and, it doesn’t work out it is normal to feel pain, sadness, regret, etc. We try to do our best in making things work, and sometimes it is not enough, and that is okay.

Secondly, something to watch out for is jumping back to your ex or that person that usually lingers around your life (they pop in and out of your life randomly). You should be taking this time to reflect with yourself, find yourself again, and, be more proactive in your situations moving forward.

You’ll have a better understanding of what works for you, the things you like and dislike, as well as, your needs. After the breakup, you will want to take a moment to re-collect yourself, your wants and, needs, so you do not go into a similar situation again.

Why did this Happen

A breakup happens for a variety of reasons. Sometimes, we fail to communicate properly, misdirect our anger, or being flat-out bad to each other.

After a while, a person will not want to continue their life in this pattern. As much as you may want to stick it out, all people have different thresholds and tolerances for things they are not willing to accept.

When you and your partner are not on the same page, this can be a recipe for disaster. Lack of communication can be one of the most important aspects that contribute to a breakup.

When someone no longer wishes to communicate with you, it can be an early sign they’ve waved the white flag and could be waiting for the right time to leave.

Usually, there is not just one thing that causes a breakup to happen, but a series of things that have accumulated over time. Infidelity, communication issues, trust, finances, and abuse are the most common reasons for breaking up with someone.

When these topics are not addressed, it is very possible to want to breakup with someone over time. We all have thresholds for things we are not willing to accept.

Feeling Confused and Lost Feeling Lost inforgraphic

When attempting to learn different ways and tips on how to heal after a breakup, it is natural to be totally confused and lost.

You may have been in a situation with a person for some time, and have gotten accustomed to doing everything with this person. It is okay for you to feel this way because it is a normal expression of the relationship cycle.

It can feel weird, sad, lonely, and frustrating when you are not able to go to the movies or even do the random meaningless things that you used to do with your partner. The most important thing here is to understand the word “acceptance”.

Acceptance is the process of understanding that things may not be what we want, but it is what we need for the time being. After leaving someone, you can accept they are no longer going to be in your life and you need to move forward.

Feeling Lost after a breakup

Feeling lost after a breakup normal occurs when you realize the relationship is really over. You can feel a lot of emotions when you do not know how to move forward. Yes, it is scary and depressing, but, it does not have to leave you feeling helpless.

The goal is to understand you will get through this. Anything new we embark on in life starts out with us feeling lost and uncertain of things in the future.

Developing consistency, a positive outlook, and patience is key to being successful at anything in life, breakups are no exception. You may be lost after a breakup, but you not have to stay lost. You can start by redefining things of importance to you.

You will have moments you want to reach back out, go to places you used to frequent, etc. but its best to avoid doing these things during this time. Trust me, you will thank me later.

Feeling Confused after a breakup

The confusion comes into play in those moments we think we were supposed to be with a person or having the unrealistic expectation that they are “the one”.

You may even feel confused after a breakup when you are unable to make sense of the direction of your love life. This feeling is also normal so, it is okay to experience it initially, but not for an extended period of time.

The bright side is that confusion allows you to take the time to redefine things that are important to you. You and your ex used to watch certain shows, do activities together or develop new interests together, but you can spend this time of “confusion” by getting back to what you like.

Confusion does not have to limit you in the healing process but can provide an opportunity for you to rediscover yourself.

When you are confused, it is best to thoroughly feel and express your emotions (as long as it does not harm you or anything else). This can help to fully deal with this confusion and be better suited to move on after a breakup.

What do I do Now?

Have you ever felt that you could not get anything right from a teacher, parent, or lover any time during your life? If so, you are more likely to have a defensive “what did I do now” mentality.

This is a normal residual effect for being criticized or not feeling good enough. There are many ways to go about finding out what do I now after a breakup, but the first step is loving yourself.

Getting back to the drawing board or back to who you are can be very beneficial for several reasons.

Healing from a breakup inforgraphic

While attempting to find out what you can do after a breakup, there can be a lot of confusion and mixed emotions. Just trust in the process, and be patient with yourself; you will be fine in the long run.

3 Tips on How to heal from a BreakUp

This is the section we’ve all been waiting for; 3 tips on how to heal from a breakup. While I have given various tips throughout this article, these are the main ingredients that can help heal from a breakup.

While no healing process is easy, you can lighten your mental and emotional load by integrating these 3 tips into your healing process.

Texting my Ex inforgraphic

Tip #1 – Do NOT reach back out to your Ex

This is the most difficult thing to do after a breakup. Why do we want to hold on to our ex, stalk their profiles, see if they’ve moved on, reminisce, etc? Because being with someone for a long time and suddenly without them is a drastic change.

We may want to make sure they are not moving on too fast. Even though no one can determine the amount of time to heal and move on, let’s say a rule of thumb is generally around 3 months.

Reaching out to your ex can be detrimental when you are trying to let go and heal from the breakup. If you have ever been in those on-again-off-again relationships you understand that this pattern is not healthy when it really is over.

You may be so accustomed to running back and attempting to momentarily fix things, you may feel compelled to send that “WYD” text or like their photos on social media, etc. STAY AWAY!

Yes, it is easier said than done. Yes, accepting the fact that it is over is hard, but if you reach back out to your ex, you are only prolonging the time that it takes for you to heal.

You are also preventing the blessing that may come from meeting someone new by going back to your ex. We tend to do this a lot of times because we are not ready to accept change.

While I am a pretty reasonable person, I made this tip on how to heal from a breakup number one because it is something that all genders and orientations face equally. YourTango estimated roughly 73% of men and women have looked up their exes on social media.

The best thing to do is unfriend, and block the person so that you may have some mental peace. Things will remind you of them, of course, but it helps to not tempt yourself by having easy access to them. This method is probably the MOST essential tip to healing from a breakup.

Tip #2 – Seek out counseling or experienced advisors

Advice from a relationship counselor may seem like something that you do not want to do. It may not be on your to-do list, but it helps to have the opinion of a non-judgmental person who you can fully express your emotions too.

Most of our friends and family give advice to us that is heavily biased, and that is why I do not recommend talking to them (If you have a support system that is an exception to this rule, you can reach out to them).

I have experienced this numerous times by watching people attempt to get over someone by rebounding too quickly, going out to party, etc., from the advice of friends who were not in the same emotional space. You know what works for you, but if you don’t, it helps to seek out someone that can be of some assistance.

I also recommend seeking out advice from older people. The main reason being, they have usually been in relationships and marriages for a long time and have already gone through most issues that we face.

Having an older persons’ perspective may make things easier to comprehend or accept, knowing someone who has gone through a breakup and survived.

If you need someone to speak with, here is the information of Free hotlines to get advice check it out here.

Tip #3 – Treat Yourself, better

This last tip is all-encompassing of things you need to do when you are learning how to heal after a breakup. There are a variety of things to start with, but, I recommend sitting down and writing out 3-5 activities or things that make you feel good.

It can be ANYTHING. Shopping, playing video games, making music, crying, sleeping, artistic endeavors, etc., are just a few examples of what you can do to treat yourself better.

One mandatory activity that I will say is exercise. When we are single, we typically keep ourselves in top shape to attract people. We keep ourselves groomed, fit, and attractive.

In contrast, sometimes, when we are dating or in a relationship, we tend to let ourselves go. Exercise helps to release endorphins, which is the feel-good chemical in our brains.

Once you can accept that because something didn’t work out, it is not the end of the world, you will be better suited to move forward and heal from the breakup.

Treating yourself better now means that everything is about YOU. Your wants, desires, needs, and anything else should be your main priority.

I always like to tell my clients that when you on the path to creating a better you, you will usually start by attracting people that align with where you are in life.

This point, though often overlooked, can be a key to moving forward and treating yourself better. When you are depressed, you tend to attract depressed people. When you are happy, excited, etc., the same thing happens.

Keep in mind that treating yourself better is intended to make you continue to see the value in yourself, love yourself, and to make the process of learning how to heal from a breakup less challenging.

Conclusion

These 3 tips on how to heal from a breakup can help make the healing process manageable.

While there is no fool-proof way to heal from a breakup, these methods intend to make it easier for you to deal. We all go through these moments in our lives, and there is nothing wrong with you.

Giving in is normal (by wanting to reach back out to your ex) because you have spent so much time with a person. Why would anyone want to leave and waste all that time invested, right?

Well, you’ve already invested time that you cannot get back, so it would be more of a benefit to accepting what’s happened.

It is no secret. Learning how to heal from a breakup does not get more comfortable as we mature, quite the opposite. But, if we allow the time and space to feel emotions, accept, and move forward, the healing process becomes more manageable.

As we are all flawed, it is so easy to place blame on someone else or ourselves. But the reality is, sometimes you can be the perfect partner, and a relationship will not work out. Do not be so hard on yourself.

Every experience in life allows learning, especially those that are negative or painful. With patience, understanding and having a plan moving forward can make the healing process more comfortable in the long run.

This Post Has 10 Comments

  1. Louise

    Yeah, been there. You mention that unrealistic expectation of them being “the one”.  I was engaged once and thought that.  He betrayed me and I found out.  I was devastated, I’d put so much energy into the relationship.  It took a long time to get over him.  Long story short, it was the best thing that ever happened to me.  I re-evaluated all my relationships, went to a stay at a mindfulness centre in Thailand for 3 months and life became great and still is.  My self worth is through the roof now.  You just gotta know who you are, work on yourself.

    1. Kay Cee

      Wow, that is lovely. I would love to travel to another country to work on my spirituality. America (assuming you are here) can sometimes be a little more than we bargained for and does affect how we view a lot of things in our life. I am glad things are looking better for you!

  2. Smoochi

    I would first like to mention that this is a helpful post and i am very sure that the content of your superb article will be of much help to a lot of people, just as it has greatly helped me. very good article on some useful tips to heal from breakup. this is just what i need right now. it is perfect timing.

    1. Kay Cee

      Glad that I could help you in your time of need. We all go through breakups, but the truth of the matter is, we all need some tips, and guides to help us get through sometimes. Thanks for the comment!

  3. David nelson

    Sometimes healing from a heart breaking situation can be very hard and it takes alot of experice to come out of it unscaled….but the simple truth there is no one survives froma heart break without a scare….but this tips would definately help you come out of it thanks for sharing this awesome article.

    1. Kay Cee

      Yes, David, we all have war scars from failed relationships. What matters is that we do not (or try not) to bring our past traumas into our new situation. Thanks

  4. Perryline

    An article having this quality takes time and energy to develop. most especially when it has to help out people with useful information. i also commend the beautiful website that you have created with nice templates. breakup can be devastating, especially when all heart and all hopes had been placed on the relationship. thank you for these tips.

    1. Kay Cee

      Thanks Perry for the comment. Breakups are hard for us all, so learning how to manage them can be important.

  5. Joo

    This is such an insightful post, and so true that we have to keep ourselves in tip top shape all the time, more so just after a breakup. It can give us a huge boost to our self-esteem, especially for women.

    Not reaching back out to your ex is so critical, but the toughest to do. I foresee myself having problem with this if it were to happen to me. I see my sis, who recently broke up with her husband, able to make a clean cut instead of holding on once she knew there was no hope of them getting back together, and I really admire her for her strength.

    Thanks for this great read, it is beautifully and thoughtfully written.

    1. Kay Cee

      Hey Joo,

      Thanks for the reply. After a break-up, there can be a lot of disasters. Your entire life is thrown upside down. All you can do is pick up the pieces, reclaim yourself, and move on. Easier said than done, but you get the picture. Thank you for your kind words.

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